He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
