The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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