You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
