you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
