I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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