I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
