So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
