How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize