i just wanna soil my oats bro
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
two words...techno handjob
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
