I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
