...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
