Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
4 words: hood of his car
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
