You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you still have your period?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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