Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
