I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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