My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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