you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
