I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I bet he comes in French.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
