She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
