Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
