what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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