the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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