i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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