I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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