I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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