a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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