Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
