do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
