Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
