he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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