Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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