no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
