I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
