Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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