2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
