it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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