...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
