What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Less talking, more tequila
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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