i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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