As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize