Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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