susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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