I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
