gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
