Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
