There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
