I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I licked your asshole in confidence.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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