I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
