what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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