I love black thongs
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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