I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
