i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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