I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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