I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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