i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
