im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
