I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
