Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
