I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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