i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize