I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
