babies were throwing up all over the place
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
