My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
