is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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