I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize