By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
this just has baby written all over it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
