I just threw up on my dentist
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
