ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
