Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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