this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
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