i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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