I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
