boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
