How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
