I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
