no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
